Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
