What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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