People with herpes should wear stickers.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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