i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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