what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
