another moral hangover. fuck.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
