omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
