He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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