Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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