I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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