omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
