I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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