I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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