He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
