This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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