Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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