kristin has been a bad kristin
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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