Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
