There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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