Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
