GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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