I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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