This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize