You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
