Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
