Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
