Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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