Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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