I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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