In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
