I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
