i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
