He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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