I hate all girls vehemently.
just tell him i said nine months
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
