dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
