I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
