in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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