If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
