So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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