oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
