My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
