Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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