Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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