note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
