Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
