around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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