Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My ass is underappreciated
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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