Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
