Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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