Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
