how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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