wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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