Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
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I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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