All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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