Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize