I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
