No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My ATM looks so different sober.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
