yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
