i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
