She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
