I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
