At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
