just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
