I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
