1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
