she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
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She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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