Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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