She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
