My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
