There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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