don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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